Massages are the best invention. I sometimes debate which is better, a guaranteed success rate 100 percent of the time: a back rub or sex. (Yep, there is an obvious answer here.) If told that I might have to choose to have only one -- between having my back rubbed (or, even more specifically, scratched) or sex for the rest of my life -- I would need to consider seriously which one to choose. A list of pros and cons, a cross-referenced matrix of benefits, a conversation with my boyfriend, and a few rounds of each before making a decision.
My back rubbing obsession started at an early age. My mom told me that I used to curl up in her lap as a toddler at night, asking her to "Rubba my back, momma" while the Fisher Price record spun the Children's record (with "Little Goldie Goldfish" being my song of choice). Throughout my childhood, I would throw myself on her lap, asking for a back scratch, and my mom always patiently complied. Once I started dating, I not-so-subtly leaned in and asked for back rubs.
Rubbing, light scratching...to this day, it's my kryptonite. Scratch my back for a few minutes, and I'm yours. I'll curl up on or near you, purring like an old matted cat, and then quickly fall asleep.
Fast forward to adulthood, and now I pay a specially trained individual to massage me. It's all my dreams come true wrapped in one 60-minute session for $75. The first time I visited my massage therapist, I was anxious. The thought of stripping down into my undies and having a complete stranger touch me made me die a little inside. Someone I didn't know rubbing my back, squeezing my little love handles, feeling the imperfections of my body, bare hand on skin contact? No, no, that sounded terrible.
Despite my self-consciousness, I went. And it was amazing. I wanted to hug my massage therapist at the end I was so happy, but I hesitated after the contract I signed before the start of the session had me swear not to say or do anything inappropriate to her during or after the session. So I simply told her "thank you" and have returned to her once a month for the last six years. I wish I could hire her full time and have her follow me around 24 hours a day, just scratching my back. She knows my old lady aches and pains well by this point, so I wouldn't need to explain where my body hurt. To have someone stand behind me during in a heated meeting or while watching a scary movie and scratch my back would alleviate the stress of the moment.
On this last day of 2018, I treated myself to a 90-minute massage. It helped to ensure that I am ending the year and starting a new one physically well and relaxed. I also feel clear headed, so if I need to answer that question of back rubs or sex, I'm ready...
