Recently my husband and I upgraded the security system in our house. It wasn't intentional -- just a knock on the door one evening last week led to an unplanned purchase. Two hours later, we had an upgraded security system for a security system that we never bothered to activate in the first place when we moved into our house six years ago. The sales guy wasn't particularly good at his job -- he just talked and talked and talked and asked random questions. He sat down on the couch and started watching the baseball game that we had on TV. His sales strategy seemed to be just to wear us down so that we were exhausted into compliance. I'm guessing that he'd still be sitting on our couch today, talking about whatever random topics he thought of, if we hadn't said yes. I think it was one of those situations where we were secretly delighted by his presence; a surreal break from what had been an exhausting week, providing an unintended comic relief that allowed us to have something to laugh about and look at each other with eyebrows raised, an implied What the hell is going on? bouncing back and forth between the two of us.
So we now have a security alarm. Originally intended to be a 60-month contract, we were able to get a 42-month contract instead -- only three-and-a-half years committed to. Not bad in the scheme of life, right? By the time the alarm contract is up, I'll be closer to 40 than I am to 30.
Now I have to remember not to trip the alarm. That is, I have to remember to turn it on in the first place when I'm at home or when I leave the house. Then I have to remember to disarm it when I either want to exit the house or I return home. Otherwise, I have less than a minute to enter my password before the bells and sirens go off and I receive a call from either the security company or the police -- I can't remember which. Hopefully I don't have to find that out.
I feel like don't trip the alarm has been a common theme in my life, and I'm trying to sort through all of the internal and external mess I've made that might require me to trip alarms when I need help. I'm currently reading a book, The Gifts of Imperfection, a self-help book that was featured on the Oprah network. (Well, that's what the sticker on the book told me when I was perusing the bookshelves at Target. I bought it on a whim, not intending to walk away from Target with a self-help book mixed in with my toiletries, new garbage can, and GoGurt. Something about the combination of self-help book, Target, and Oprah seem like I should be scoffing at it, but I'm trying to embrace this process I've started.) The book's central focus is on dealing with inner shame and letting go of the need to be perfect for everyone, for identifying your self-worth so that you can love yourself so that you can better love others. The author has a nice voice with her writing, and her concepts make sense to me. While she hasn't revealed anything that makes me weary of whether she totally understands what it's like to have soul-scorching shame that tears away at you until you feel like your innards are trying to eat your outside and you're paralyzed by your inner thoughts, feelings, and dreams (or lack there of). But sometimes it doesn't require an extraordinary event to find yourself crippled with that shame...sometimes it's just life unfolding in ways we couldn't imagine.
So while I'm trying to figure out this alarm thing of when I need to trip the alarm versus shut it off, I might be reading a self-help book or two (or dozen) that I might not have before. But at least I know that I have an upgraded security system at my house thanks to the guy who randomly showed up on my doorstep last week...
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