Bedwetter

I have a weak bladder. I'm pretty sure I'll be wearing Depends by the time I'm 40. On some days, I think that wouldn't be so bad -- not having to worry about using the bathroom as frequently as I need to.

I wet the bed until I was in fourth grade. Some of my bedwetting stories are epic. For example, while camping in Canada, I peed so much in the tent that my brother and I were sharing that I literally flooded the tent to the point that we had to spend the rest of the night sleeping in the car. Or the time I wet my bed, crawled into my brother's bed, wet his bed, and then wet the bathroom floor.

And it wasn't just overnight that I had to worry about losing control of my bladder. When I was walking home from school (roughly seven blocks), there were a couple occasions where I couldn't make it in time from the bus stop to my house -- I remember standing at the backdoor and just letting go. My bladder control improved slightly so that I no longer wet the bed, but through high school, college, and to this day, I struggle with sometimes peeing myself when I laugh too hard. I'm not sure if I should be proud that it no longer bothers me, but I've discovered worse things can happen.

When talking with my friends one day, we narrowed down my top wetting myself stories to the Top 5. The Top 5 list spans high school, college, and my adult life. We still bust those stories out when we need a good laugh, and I'm not above telling them in any situation -- why not have a little fun at myself while also education others on the importance of properly emptying your bladder? I usually can tell the stories without wetting myself at the same time -- although that would be the ultimate storytelling finale. I feel like my Top 5 stories will become the ultimate story vignette.

My six-year-old niece sometimes struggles with wetting her bed, and my mom has told her that she comes from a long line of bedwetters. Like she has direct lineage from a brave warrior princess...who couldn't control her bladder. To help my niece not feel embarrassed, my mom has shared many of her own bedwetting stories as well as mine. When she gets a little older and has a wider repertoire of four-letter words, my niece can be exposed to Sarah Silverman's own bedwetting stories. And I discovered that there's an entire online store dedicated solely to helping bedwetters protect their beds -- brilliantly named... The Bedwetting Store. I'm eagerly looking forward to ordering my first pair of waterproof underwear -- awesome.