True Friends

"It is when we are most lost we sometimes find our truest friends."

 -- Snow White, The Brothers Grimm

I wish I could say that I found that quote while actually reading Snow White, but I admit that I found it on my Facebook news feed. It's one of those news feed items that I almost scrolled past, but for some reason decided to pause and read it. And then reread it. As I reread it over and over, I found myself getting still then slightly lightheaded.  It resounded with me.

This past year -- really, the last year-and-a-half -- have been challenging from both a personal and professional standpoint. As an indirect result of this difficult time -- some within my control and my own doing, some beyond and a chance of fate or dumb luck -- I've found myself getting complacent with life, more inclined to sit and watch TV then to suck the marrow of life (Thoreau would be disappointed). I might have done irreversible damage to some of my favorite relationships during this time, but this quote also reminds me how fortunate I am to have had so many people offer their friendship and support, even as I found myself empty and often unable to return the same kindness and love that they showed me. It's only now, weeks and even months later, that reflection has made me realize how fortunate I am.

When you experience the death of a loved one and are feeling lost, it's surprising whom you hear from and whom you don't. Friends that it's been years since you really talked to reach out to offer their sympathies in unbelievably considerate ways, while friends you consider your closest barely exhale long enough to say "I'm sorry". We all deal with death in different ways, and sometimes the consideration to those suffering the most only extends so far as we wrestle with our own feelings and fears toward mortality and passing time. My mom mentioned that one of the hardest parts is when someone asks "How are you [doing/holding up/getting along]?" but that person doesn't pause long enough to listen to her answer. Social expectations have constrained us to polite answers of "I'm okay." or "Doing as best as can be expected."; rarely does anyone ever respond to that question with "Today's been tough. I sat on the shower floor and cried for 30 minutes, then cried while watching TV and eating peanut butter from the jar using my fingers." And she's found that the people who do stop to ask how she's doing -- and truly want an honest the answer -- are from unlikely sources that have gone on to become true friends.

While Snow White might have meant it literally -- she was lost in the woods and stumbled across the Seven Dwarfs cottage -- it's a reminder that even in the bleakest moments, we are not alone. We just need to remember to open our eyes wide enough to recognize those true friends.